Welcome to my world….

It's interesting, I wanted to write a blog about my experience driving across the country but I was stuck on the first line trying to describe who I am. Maybe that's the point of this journey that I am on? Maybe I'm a little late for my mid-life crisis? Is it a midlife awakening? I'm not sure what it is but I want to be real about my own confusion.

I am 53 years old.

I am the mother of 3 young adults who are all out on their own.

I am a wife (married for almost 30 years).

I am a Counselling Therapist in Saint John, NB.

I am the daughter of a senior mother.

I am a sister.

I am a friend to some wonderful women.

But I am sure that I am more than these things…aren't I?

I've never written a blog before but I thought driving across the country might give me inspiration.

Some back story…

For a few years now, my husband and I have been talking about buying an RV and driving across the country. Then Covid hit. It meant my husband's job was extended for a year and so our plans were delayed as well. As things started to look better and the Covid numbers started going down, we started to make our plans. That's when things got complicated.

From a work perspective, a rest sounded great after working for over 30 years. But I LOVE my work. I went back to school in my 40s and only opened my own business 2 years ago. I started thinking about all the "what ifs". (What if I'm bored or unfulfilled by not working? What if my thriving practice becomes irrelevant? What if my clients are upset that I am taking time off? What if I don't get any new referrals when I return? What if, what if, what if ….)

Personally, I also had all kinds of worries, insecurities and guilt arise. Should I do this now? Can I leave my family and friends? What if someone gets sick? What if Covid gets worse again and I'm not at home? Those damn "what ifs" again!!!! I kept trying to shift to "why not?" but that wasn't easy. I realized that “what ifs” have stopped me from doing many things in the past. It's that damn anxiety and fear- an unhealthy combination. It can eliminate possibilities and make your world much smaller than it needs to be.

I have been on the road since mid September and realize that this was the right decision. That isn't to say that I have stopped worrying about home or that I don't miss family and friends. I do. However, I have realized that this wasn't an all or nothing situation. I am continuing to work with clients online for a few days/ month and am working on things I have put off for ages. Technology has also become my friend. I am actually conversing more with some people than I did when we were in the same city. (Sadly, I'm realizing that I had taken my time with people I loved for granted and often put things off until another day. Something I am working on being better at.)

I think this is going to be a time for self reflection and personal growth. I hope you will join me on this journey and provide me with your reflections as well.

Wishing you health, happiness and the courage to pursue your dreams.

Patti